the love i want ; I gave myself one week to reflect. Reflect everything that keeps on bothering me.

Academics finally its all over. Two weeks, struggling to aim not a passing mark but a mark closer to our ceiling grade.. Philippine History and Economics are my subjects were I am weak. So far, I am overwhelmed with my Philippine History grade. Still wishing for my Economics.. =’S

Friends.. yes, were now doing ok.. After the feud we had last month, I began to be a loner.. Not chatting with them for a month end up a lot of regrets for me. I can feel the gap, the awkwardness when I’m with them..

And to a friend.. the grudge that I’ve planted still lies inside me. Not about our past but our present. There are times that I tried to avoid having a conversation with him especially during the finals.. Why? Without him knowing, he is hurting me. “wag ka ng magsalita kung hindi mo alam.” These simple words does hurt my feelings. Like he was trying to tell me that I’m stupid, useless!! I may not be the “ultimate girl” that he’s looking for to love nor smart like he is, or even a best and I mean BEST friend like Irene.. I tried to be a friend, not perfect, but a friend, a best friend being herself.. The IMPERFECT one!! But look at me.. the stupid one, affected with those words, trying to do everything just to be perfect –for him to be pleased.. I quit one thing that I love –dancing.. I forced myself to have a part time job, being an encoder(typist) to my professor, applied myself this summer being a S.A.(student assistant) in admissions, and also entered myself in an online job, -writing articles w/ this unknown business I never heard of.. A friend of mine told me that it’s a scam they won’t pay me. So what? I have no regrets.. I am not looking for money, I’m doing this just to prove him something.

Haay.. I’m ok nah.. ^_^’ (just letting it all out of my system..)
pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; I can't believe I'm saying this.. I rejected him.. After a month of secretly seeing each other.. Alam ko, mali ako.. Nasaktan ko siya.. Pero mali talaga eh.. Its hard to see that I'm w/ my best friend's friend.. kaya pasensya na lang kung pinaasa kita.. ='( masaya na ako sa ganito.. Besides, I'm not rushing myself to have a relationship.. Inuuna at inaayos ko muna ang lahat ng priorities ko..
pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; I fought with my best friend just because of the caption I put on my ym.. Haay.. Nakakalungkot.. I'm so pissed off with one of my groupmates in Values.. Kahapon pa siya eh.. no.. matagal na pala ako nagtitimpi sa lalaking un!! Grr!! My Goodness!! Bakit di ko napansin un dati pa?! I felt I've been used.. "Masyado ka kasi mabait.." yun ang laging sinasabi sa akin.. anyways.. Sinasabi ko naman sa kanya ang totoo(kahit na napakasimpleng bagay lang).. Hindi ko alam kung bakit un ang inisip niya.. hmph.. "Nasasakal ako.." yan ang sinabi niya sa akin.. Oo, narealize ko rin yan, masyado ko nga siyang sinasakal.. Kaya nga ako ng gumagawa ng paraan para hindi ko siya masaktan, hindi kami mag-away.. Ako na ang umiiwas.. Grrr!! I really hate it!! Sana matapos na 'tong sem!! Ayoko nah!! Sobrang problemado na ako sa lahat!! Sa academics ko especially my Economics(shit talaga ang nangyari sa akin!!), ang thesis namin ni Jho sa Filipino, my blockmates at ngayon ang friendship namin!! >='(

Labels: 10 days pah

pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; Kakainis.. I'm so pissed off when I arrived home.. Ang kaisa-isa kong hamster.. Patay nah!! huhuhu!! kung ano ang saya ko kanina, kabaligataran naman ngayon.. Ewan ko kung bakit namatay.. Almost 3 months ko na siya inaalagaan.. haay.. Anyways.. nakausap ko sina Tin and lysing.. namiss ko sila.. sobra!! waha!! nabigla ako sa kwento ni tin.. babae pala ung karelasyon niya.. akala ko pa naman lalaki.. lalaki kasi itsura nun sa pic.. tsk3.. tapos si alyssa.. my gosh!! nashock ako sa sinabi niya.. inlove daw siya.. woah!! totoo ba kaya un?! hahahaha!! siya?! maiinlove?! well2.. dalaga na talaga ang bez girl ko.. ^.^

Labels: masaya

pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; Hindi ko maintindihan kung ako ba’y talagang mahalaga sa buhay mo. Pero bakit ganun ka? Hindi mo ba alam na nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa mo?! Kaibigan mo ba talaga akong tunay o napipilitan ka lang? Tinatanong naman kita, sabihin mo lang sa akin para alam ko kung ano bang problema. Oo, alam kong marami kang problema at iniisip pero bakit parang pati ako dinadamay mo pa? May ginawa ba akong kasalanan o ginawang di mo nagustuhan? Sabihin mo naman sa akin! Kung anu-ano na kasi ang iniisip ko sayo. Iparamdam mo naman sa akin na espesyal ako sayo , hindi ung nagiging espesyal ako sa tuwing nagkakaroon tayo ng isang exchange thing natin. =’( Para lang kasing napipilitan ka lang.. =’( o sige, hindi tayo mag-usap o magkita ng matagal para minsan- maalala mo naman ako. X'((

(sa totoo lang.. natututunan ko ng magselos kay irene.. kasi bakit siya, may smiley face ang 'bestfriend' niya ako wala?? [hek2.. parang bata eh.. :p])

Labels: nalulungkot.. naiiyak..

pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ;

Labels: shocked

pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; Ok na ang pakiramdam ko since the Wednesday incident.. As I was about to chat with him.. I felt the anger, annoyance in him.. Why? Because of the USC elections.. I don’t know what he’s talking about but one thing I know is that he was so pissed off.. I tried to calm him down and it was no use.. What can I do? What do I have to say? Eh di ko naman alam ang mga pinagsasabi niya and its about politics.. One thing I dislike.. Hindi ko man gusto ang pinag-uusapan namin but I tried to listen to him.. Ang hirap.. =’( Why do I feel that whenever I want to go near him, there’s this instance that I’m afraid to make a false move- because I’m afraid that he might get mad at me.. Fine with me.. Kaya nga when it comes to issues, nanliliit ako sa kanya. I may not be like his friends (na sobrang talino..) tntry kong irelate ang sarili ko sa mga pinagsasabi niya.. Seeking for the right words that he wanted to hear. Hmm.. nppressure lang siguro siya ngayon kaya sa ganyan.. Palipasin ko lang ‘tong sem at magiging ok na ulit..

Labels: kaya pa naman..

pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; Haayy, I really miss blogging because of our bloody schedule.. Nawalan tuloy ako ng time.. hmm.. Ang dami tuloy pumapasok sa utak ko.. Simula nung Wednesday, nag iba ang pakiramdam at ugali ko.. I’ve become impatient (dahil ang tagal ibigay ni Armand ung paper niya, cause I have to read and review his work, hay naku.. don’t ask na lang.. in short.. Naging mean ako..), and paranoid (I’ve been looking to his friend’s profile.. at parang nagselos ako.. yah.. that’s right.. ngayon lang ako nagselos sa kanya kahit na dati’y wala akong nararamdamang ganung bagay.. So many questions I’ve been asking to myself.. grr!! As much as possible, iniiwasan kong mag-isip ako ng kung anu-ano..) (masama lang loob ko kaya kung anu-ano na lang ang iniisip kong negative.. hmph..)

Sometimes, I hate myself because of this attitude.. Tnry kong baguhin ang sarili ko pero hindi ko maiwasan.. Ayokong Isipin niyang hindi pa ganun ka-strong ang friendship namen dahil nagkakaroon ako ng doubts.. For me, strong na ang friendship namen.. ang problema lang ay ako.. I tried to compensate, I really do.. Ok, what am I trying to say?? Nung Wednesday, nainis ako.. hindi ko alam kung sa kanya o sa mga kaibigan niya.. For the nth time, na-O.P. ako that’s why (Its my fault, bakit ba hindi ko sinabi sa kanya dati pa.. I guess dahil gusto ko ipakita sa kanya na all around ako..).. yah, ang babaw ko.. para yun lang.. Kasi, minsan na lang kami magkasama, di tulad nila.. Gusto ko ng umalis after I finished my meal pero hindi, dahil gusto ko siyang makasama pa at baka mag-isip ung mga kaibigan niya na hindi sila ok sa akin.. ok naman sila sa akin.. For 30 mins. Or so, nakatunganga lang ako at nakikinig sa mga pinagsasabi nila na di ko naman maintindihan.. Yesterday, nagpaka-loner muna ako.. Hindi ako sumama kay Diane.. I want to think, reflect on what happened to me.. Because of the heavy feeling I had, I cried.. Sana pala, umalis na lang ako para hindi ako nagmukhang tanga sa harapan nila.. Sana ginawa ko nga un para hindi sumama ang loob ko at mag-isip ng kung anu-ano.. I admit to myself.. Naging possessive ako sa kanya.. Gusto ko halos every week nagkikita kami.. laging nag-uusap.. Why?! Dahil ayokong magkaroon kami ng gap sa isa’t-isa.. He’s the only person I can say my treasure.. I want him to know what I feel pero ayoko naman isabay sa problems niya.. Lalo na ngayon.. Iniintindi ko na lang.. Mali rin ako.. I demand too much from him.. Hay, cge.. break muna kami sa pagkikita..

Ayan, nasabi ko na rin ang nasaloobin ko.. How I wish ok na ako.. hahaha!! Haay, naging moody nga ako.. My God!! This sem was crucial!! Ok, two weeks to go.. I can do this..

Labels: moody lang..

pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; "Come On"

And finally the silence
Looking out, looking back across the sky
Trying to find a meaning
Knowing that I just left it all behind
Still I smell a lingering softness
Where did he go
How did he go
I wanna wanna know
I wanna know that he'll be coming here to me

[Chorus:]
Come on
Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, you know that we belong
Come on, come on, come on, come on

Thinking back before him
I never knew the meaning of alone
Still the flag is feeling foreign
I live the day to escape into a phone
Speaking of a world not real then
Where did he go
How did he go
I wanna wanna know
I wanna know that he'll be coming here to me

[Chorus]

Cause each of his kisses
How my heart misses
he's coming
he's coming here to me
I'm needing
Desiring to kiss him nowI'm living for him
Breathing for him
Singing for his fairytale

[Chorus]

Come on
Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on...


-----------------------------------------------------------------
Hindi ko minsan maintindihan ang sarili ko.. hay.. di tuloy ako makapagconcentrate sa ginagawa ko.. ='(

Labels: malungkot.. naiiyak... ='(

pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; Hay, gusto ko munang magpaka-loner for a week siguro.. Nalungkot kasi ako sa nangyari sa akin kanina.. My God, as I think of it.. I look so pathetic!! huhuhu!! Don't ask.. basta yun na yon.. Ayokong mag-isip siya ng masama sa akin kaya ako na lang ang bahalang umunawa.. hay.. Besides.. so many things to finish pa pala sa eco.. huhu!! ='S

Labels: nag-iisip.. hindi ako galit..

pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; After seeing my friend’s blog.. I started looking at my previous blog too.. (not in friendster ha..) Namiss ko rin magblog dito.. I might go back using this blogspot.. hmm.. Oo tama.. bahala na lang kung magffriendster blog pa ako.. Kasi the reason kung bakit ngbblog ako dun dahil gusto kong mabasa ‘niya’ ang nasa loobin ko.. Haha!! I’m so weird talaga.. oh well.. I also realize that it’s not even nice to vent around in public dahil nag-iiba ang tingin ng tao sa akin o kaya sa taong tinutukoy ko.. At nakakasakit na rin ako..(even sometimes I’m doing it intentionally.. :D hmm.. bad Jelai!!) hehe..

Hay, pagod na ako super!! I’m almost(?!) Halfway of my histo. paper.. And ¾ of my PowerPoint presentation in Values.. hahaha!! Tapusin ko lang ‘tong week and it’s all over.. Shit!! I forgot.. Ung eco pa pala namen.. huhu!! Ayoko ng bumalik sa NEDA!!

Labels: sleepy na koh.. -.-zzzzzz

pEoplE mAde mE cRy 0

mAkE mE crY

About me:
 ¼ Chinese (Father) ¼ Spanish (mother) & ½ (Filipino)
 Can sometimes be a pain in the ass
 Paranoid
 Kind
 Picky
 Loves pets (especially cats)
 listening to music, watching movies and eating are my passion
 guileless
 Creative w/ such things (haha!! Especially when it comes to gifts)
 hates being imitated
 friendly
 juvenile
 Can understand Korean, French and Spanish… partially..
 an athlete
 loves reading books and magazines
 Moody
 Nosy
 Loves to discover new things
 Loves taking pictures
 Designer
 Easily pleased
 IMPERFECT!!