the love i want ;


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mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; Sometimes I do regret reading psychological books.. You know.. learning the meaning of a person's movements, actions and even their way of communicating to people.. (Hmm.. masyado kasi ako nainteresado sa psych namin, values and also.. from our P.E. prof?! where she prefer herself a choreographer, an archer, a psychologist, a nun, and umm.. I forgot the other one.. hehehe.. As I got interested, I began observing other people..) Yah, I got a little pissed off last night w/a friend.. hmph.. What else can I do?! >='( I didn't like what he said.. That's why..
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the love i want ; I want to hate him!! grr!! I'm so sick of his excuses!! Why can't I make myself hate him?? When he use.. hmm.. "colorful words" (i'd say..) Wala nah.. NO more anger and once again, nadala nanaman ako sa kanya.. Haay.. I keep on thinking, sino ba talaga ang may deperensya sa amin?? Why can't I feel this "friends pa rin ha!" Sure ba siya?? Eto lang.. Does he really value me?! (kahit na ilang beses niyang sabihin sa akin na pinapahalagahan niya ako, bakit hindi ko makita o maramdaman?? Minsan ko lang talaga naramdaman na pinapahalagahan niya ako.. Haha!! Kung sabagay.. He's not.. hmm.. alone at this moment.. [that's what he always says.. haha!! so dramatic!!]) Whatever!! As for me, I've done my part.. I showed how much I value him.. as a lover, as a friend.. Sige lang.. Everyone knows when if enough is enough.. Kung kailan magsasawa ang isang tao.. Kahit kaibigan, nagsasawa rin.. >='S

(I saw this very interesting book when we went to MoA.. My goodness!! Why didn't I bought it?! I really MUST have this book!! huhuhu!!)
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mAkE mE crY

the love i want ; I thought if I took summer classes, hindi na ako mag-iisip ng kung anu-ano.. Well, I guess not.. At first, I didn't want this yr to end because I still want to spend some time with my friends (with whom I fought, which I acted like a complete stranger to them..) and there's this two friends of mine.. Huhu!! I can't believe na lilipat na sila ng school.. ='( I needed them.. Sa kanila ko kasi nakita na vnvalue nila ang isang kaibigan.. One trait that I’ve been seeking for a friend.. Ok, sometimes I can be a nosy one.. There's this girl.. Haha!! Kaya naman kami naging magkaibigan dati kasi marami kaming kakilala (naging friend niya kasi nung H.S. ung best friend ko nung elementary..) Haay.. Naging memorable sa akin ung pag-open up niya sa akin.. Yah, I can still remember that day.. Gabi na at ayaw pa naming umuwi kaya nagstrolling muna kami sa campus (ilang beses kami nag-ikot2 nun.. hek3.. ;P) habang nagkkwentuhan kami.. Sa totoo lang.. ayaw ko siyang lumipat ng school but ofcourse.. like what we have discussed.. We have to set our priorities first.. Akala ko sa UPM na siya.. Its a good thing for me kasi magkalapit lang ang school namin so pwede pa kaming magkita.. ^^,) But I don't think that would happen.. kasi naman hindi pa nrrelease ung transcript niya dahil hindi pa complete ang grades.. So, baka sa UP Dilimian na lang sila ni Mai... aww.. ='((

Grr!! I hate it when I think such foolish things.. I tried not to.. Haha!! Natural na siguro sa akin ang mag-isip ng kung anu-ano.. hek3.. haay, natakot ako sa sarili ko kasi.. I think it was last week I started having headaches.. woah!! akala ko nga ttrankasuhin ako pero hindi naman.. My mom notice na may lumalabas na ugat sa ulo ko (according to my uncle, it's a sign of migraine).. Pero para sa akin.. pagod lang yan tsaka dahil sa init na rin.. It's so sad at hindi ko naibigay sa kanya ung dapat kong ibigay nung nagkita kami.. Hmm.. kailan nga ba ulit kami magkikita?? hmm.. after a month?! I think.. haay, nainis kasi ako kaya nakalimutan kong ibigay sa kanya.. Iniisip ko pa rin ung nangyari sa amin.. Nabanggit niya ung letter ko.. (haha!! I can still remember kung ano ang sinabi ko sa kanya.. hahaha!! Actually, ayoko lang kasi mapag-usapan namin un.. ;) ) Mushy, am I right?! Hek3.. hey, hindi ko kayang sabihin sa kanya ang lahat kaya dinadaan ko na lang sa sulat..

A month to go para sa debut ko.. hmm.. Naiinis na ata sa akin ung parents ko kasi ang gulo2 ko raw..First, I wanted a formal one.. but then again.. gusto ko, pakain na lang para overnight ung iba.. and now.. haha!! gusto ko sumama sa tita ko umuwi ng bicol this May.. I want to take a break!! wehe.. bahala na nga lang talaga kung ano ang maisipan ko.. hek3..

Hmm.. ok, let's say somethings bothering inside my head.. ano nga ba?? dapat ba o hindi ko dapat gawin?? haha!! so, I'm having doubts pero bahala na lang siguro.. kung ttignan, parang nakakahiya rin kung gawin ko nga yun.. (pagkatapos lahat ng sinabi ko sa kanya.. ;) ) I want to hate him but I can’t.. I tried reading his blog para bumalik ang galit ko sa kanya.. Haha!! Surprisingly.. Gnreet na niya ako.. Gusto niya kasi siya ang unang magggreet sa akin.. tsk3.. Simula kahapon, he keeps on texting me Happy birthday greetings and his birthday wishes for me.. may pa-count down pa nga siyang nalalaman..haha!! weird but also, it touches my heart.. aww..=’) (pero hindi pa rin magbabago ang nararamdaman ko.. Never will I see him as a lover.. nagbago ka na.. hindi na ikaw ang dati kong minahal..)

haay.. Isa lang naman ang wish ko sa birthday ko.. that is… SECRET!! ^.^ hahaha!! Simple but I don’t think anyone could ever think of it.. (hek3.. try guessing it..)
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the love i want ; Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.. I was so pissed off yesterday.. not because of what happened sa akin sa rob.. haay.. different issue.. I made a lot of thinking last night.. Mali.. hindi ko dapat un ginawa.. sa susunod, I’ll make sure that it won’t happen to me again.. Sa tingin ko nga napansin niyang hindi maganda ang mood ko kaya ngpplay safe siya.. At that time, ktext ko si Diane.. Naiiyak na ako sa sarili ko.. I wanted to leave but there’s a part of me saying na ‘wag muna’.. I’m touched of what his friend said ("*****, si jelai oh.." -hmm.. napansin niya siguro na hindi ako natutuwa sa sitwasyon ko..).. Haay, hindi naman masama na kasama namin ung friends niya.. Actually I like it kasi nakikilala ko ung mga kaibigan niya at kung minsan nagiging ka-close ko na rin pero ayoko ung parang may sarili silang mundo.. Naman!! kahit sinong tao naman ayaw na na-oop.. Hmm.. first, I left them.. Ayoko na sanang bumalik, sasama na sana ako kay Diane but I don't want them to think of anything.. Kaya bumalik din ako.. After we left robinson's.. Sumama nanaman loob ko sa kanya kasi pakiramdam ko na he's so insensitive.. For about 2 hours??.. walang kausap.. mukha nanaman akong ewan sa harap nila..

Of course.. I can't stay mad at him.. Ako pa nga ang nakonsensya sa nangyari.. Hindi ko pa naman siya ncongratulate ng maayos kahapon.. I am happy for him.. Bakit naman hindi diba?! I waited his text all through the night pero wala dahil baka ma-open namin ung nangyari pero wala.. I just want to make it clear na wala na sa akin ung nangyari.. Mainit lang talaga ang ulo ko at that time at di ko nagustuhan ung nangyari sa akin..
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the love i want ; Je ne sais pas que je peux me fier.. Je ne suis pas que stupide pour ne pas remarquer vos actions. N'a jamais fait j'ai senti votre confiance sur moi.. J'ai fait mon meilleur vous montrer mon soin et ne vous a jamais fait toujours estime tout.. Tout ce temps.. Je me rends compte, j'ai gaspillé mon temps pour l'aime de vous.. Je souhaite que vous ayez disparu dans ma vie.. S'il vous plaît, je suis fatigué avec notre bêtise.. Cette fois je dirais.. LE DERNIER ! !

Labels: french

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the love i want ; Little words, eloquent speeches or sermons; little deeds, and even battles.

I believe that as you connect the dots of wise choices, a great haze will drop away from your vision. A dark cload may followed you for so long that you've ceased to be aware of it.

I might or may be a fool..

(haay, ano ba 'tong pinagsasabi ko?? konek?! hehe.. intindihin niyo na lang ang message ko..)
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the love i want ; Di ko alam kung ano ang iniisip mo ngayon. Siguro sa mga oras na ito, galit ka na sa akin. Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ba ‘tong nararamdaman ko –overwhelmed dahil sa alam mo na ang nasa loobin ko o naiiyak, malungkot dahil nag-away nanaman tayo?? Ewan ko ba.. Ayokong mawalan ng isang kaibigan tulad mo pero parang gusto mo na ata matigil na itong pagkakaibigan natin dahil nasasakal ka na sa isang katulad ko.. Naisip ko tuloy, akala ko ang magkaibigan ay hindi nagsasawa.. Hindi pala totoo un.. Kahit sino pa man ang taong un, mapakaibigan o mahal mo man magsasawa ka rin.. I tried to keep this friendship of ours, never to be broken... I guess we’re not as you said “meant to be as friends..” =’((
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About me:
 ¼ Chinese (Father) ¼ Spanish (mother) & ½ (Filipino)
 Can sometimes be a pain in the ass
 Paranoid
 Kind
 Picky
 Loves pets (especially cats)
 listening to music, watching movies and eating are my passion
 guileless
 Creative w/ such things (haha!! Especially when it comes to gifts)
 hates being imitated
 friendly
 juvenile
 Can understand Korean, French and Spanish… partially..
 an athlete
 loves reading books and magazines
 Moody
 Nosy
 Loves to discover new things
 Loves taking pictures
 Designer
 Easily pleased
 IMPERFECT!!